brighter than sunshine
by alice hattercandy
Summary: “We both loved the same woman too much.”


**title.** brighter than sunshine  
**disclaimer.** _BLEACH_ belongs to Kubo Tite  
**summary.** "We both loved the same woman too much."

**note. **inspired by a one shot that I wrote for SASUSAKU one shot collection. thank you for reading XD review if you have time. Rock the world _hard._ Be healthy! Un-beta-ed, because I'm lame. –got hit by stray golf ball-

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_I love you, I love you, I love you… too much._

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He closed his eyes.

That's what he told her.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Still, it wasn't enough.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

He wanted to tell her many things. Like:

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you are my little miss sunshine.

you are the sun that stumbles, that falls, that cries.

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**.**

_Orihime._

That pretty, pretty supernova that jumped, that smiled.

The breeze went past him, ruffling his orange hair, his corduroy jacket. Three years. Three years had passed. It wasn't… that long, but to him, it was a slice of eternity.

His lids lifted, revealing deep, tired, chocolate eyes.

Rukia told him once— _the last time she visited… he could not remember—_ how much he had aged. He ignored her, but she continued anyway. His eyes had aged. He _aged _considerably. Not in age, but his eyes had aged.

_You looked even sadder._

He dismissed her observation. But later, he commended her. She was right, as always, that wise, wise noble woman. His looks hadn't age, but there was something about him that aged. Maybe, it was the exhaustion. Or the constant loneliness that filled his handsome face, his chocolate eyes. The bland voice he used.

"_Don't follow me."_

She had said.

Desperately, he wanted to. He wanted to _follow _her. And die with her. Die together.

And tell her:

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you are my smiling supernova.

you are the sun that sings loud lullabies.

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**.**

His eyes lifted to the old branches of cherry blossom tree that stood alone atop the cliff where he stood right now. It was old, very old, but at spring, it was still stunningly beautiful.

_I wanted to be there, where you are. I want to be _there.

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"_Oh, Kurosaki-kun…"_

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_I am desperate._

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"…_Ichigo…kun."_

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_I want to go after you._

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_I love Ichigo-kun the most. I love you so much…_

She whispered one more time, before she smiled her last shining smile. Her smiling face, her smiling eyes.

Pain? It was overwhelming. _God, _it hurt. It hurt. _It hurt! _He wanted to die, and die, and die, and _die_.

But—

"_Stay where you are."_

She said, don't come after me.

"_Don't worry. I'll be fine."_

Please… don't cry, she whispered.

But he did, anyway. He felt like his nine year old self again and again and _again._

"_Smile."_

He can't smile, he can't smile, he can't smile— not anymore, not anymore, _not anymore_— he said again and again and _again._

Breathe.

Be strong.

"_Smile for me."_

"_Live for me."_

"_Breathe for me."_

"Orihime."

_That_ day, she was smiling her oh-so-beautiful smile.

"_For me."_

**.**

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"_For … Hayate-kun."_

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"_ORIHIME!"_

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He had never screamed so hard before.

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**.**

Running footsteps.

Thud. Thud. _Thud._

"OTOU-SAAAAAN!"

Grass, dry leaves and petals crunched under the rubber soles of a little boy's sneakers. The footsteps came closer now. The sounds of grass and leaves crunching under the heavy stomps of sneakers were closer.

Ichigo half-turned, and saw a blob of orange hair. He began to smile a little.

"OTOU-SAAAAAN!" The yell got louder as the blob of orange drew closer.

His smile turned into a grin.

"Yo."

A boy, eight or _nine _years old, with bright orange hair, tanned skin, and large gray, _gray _eyes huffed before him. The boy was scowling, and his height was tall for his age. He was his carbon-copy, his walking, breathing clone when he was nine years old himself. Except for his wide, so-gray, bright, _bright_ eyes.

_Her _eyes.

Those _oh-so_ big, big eyes.

"Otou-san!"

He grinned smugly. "…what? Got scared?"

The boy glared, and he was vaguely reminded of _her _when he told her red bean paste kingdom did not exist, and she _glared_.

Instead of retorting, the boy turned to the blank, silver tombstone. It was dirty-white and unnamed. Standing beside the giant cherry blossom tree, it faced the sunsets and sunrises, vast forest below the cliff and it looked up to watch Vega, Polaris, Altair and many more stars.

"Kaa-chan!"

Ichigo's face softened.

"Please do something! Hit him! Please? I'm still short but sooner, I'll grow taller and hit his head myself!"

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"_For me."_

_He tightened his hold on her._

"_For… Hayate-kun."_

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**.**

"Hayate."

"Yeah?" the boy said without looking up to him, rubbing his palms over the stone. When silence prolonged, Hayate looked up to him.

When he looked down to his son's face, into those gray, gray eyes— the eyes of the woman he loved and still loved, the woman who lived and died, the woman who loved him and still loved him… — it felt as though it was _the_ nine year old Orihime who was staring up at him.

He pressed his teeth together— _"For… Hayate-kun."_

He can see her smiling at him. It was _painful_, but he continued visualizing her face, her smile, her eyes—

"_Kurosaki-kun!"_

—listening to her voice, to her laughter, to her whispers.

"Oi."

Ichigo blinked.

"What is it, Ichi…_go_?" The boy was grinning mischievously, obviously making fun of his name. Ichigo twitched a little— smirked and glanced at the tombstone. His eyes were half-lidded, brown eyes intense.

_Kurosaki Orihime._

Urahara called her _Kurosaki-chan, _and that always made her blush. Uryu started to call her _Kurosaki, _and that freaked her out. Chad called her _Kurosaki, _and that scared her because his voice was deep, deep. And Rukia called her _Kurosaki-pyon_, just to spite the husband.

"Always remember."

Hayate raised a brow.

"That I live for your sake."

The boy's brows shot up. "…uh?"

Brown eyes hardened, but it was overflowing with tiredness, longing, pain, despair, heartbreaking loneliness and _maybe— _a little bit of happiness.

"For you. I only lived for you sake."

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you are the sunshine that tickles.

you are the sun that never sets.

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**.**

"And because your mother… she," Hayate watched his father struggle; he watched those pained brown eyes hide behind a scowl. He watched him struggle to stay strong even though inside, he wasn't. But Hayate understood. "…she wants… me to live."

Hayate looked back to his mother's tombstone. He heard from Tatsuki-san, Rukia-san and Tattoo-san that his mother's body wasn't there.

It was _gone._

He didn't understand what it meant. But his scowling father explained that his beautiful mother had gone somewhere and she was too beautiful that her body had to _disappear_ as well. But his father insisted that a remembrance to be erected for her. In a place she loved so much. The place where he told her he loved her.

"But right now… I also wanted to die."

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please don't take away my sunshine.

my little miss sunshine.

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**.**

Hayate nodded. "To see Kaa-chan."

Ichigo looked startled for a while, then he half-smiled, and turned a tender gaze towards his son, which he hid behind his lashes. He inherited her mother's brains. Ichigo hoped his son inherited _only _her intelligence, not her scary imagination.

"But _you_ are here."

Their eyes met. Brown and gray.

"I…" Ichigo furrowed his brows deeply, looking and finding words to convey his message. "Your mother and I are different. I can't be as cheerful and nice like your mother." He put a hand on top of Hayate's head. "But do not forget."

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_I love Ichigo-kun the most. I love you so much…_

…

_Kurosaki-kun!_

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"You are the reason why I strive to live everyday."

_I love you… so much._

"And I will live longer— for you."

The boy frowned, and it was a very _Kurosaki _frown. If only his mother can see him, she'd be very thrilled. "Hai. Otou-san. I will always remember."

Ichigo grinned slightly, "good." He gave his boy two gentle taps on the head before shoving his hand back in his pocket.

"Ne, Otou-san."

"Yeah?"

"I will become stronger like you!" Hayate looked up to his father determinedly. His gray eyes were flashing brightly. "And when the time comes that you really, _really _want to see Kaa-chan," he smiled, and to see _that _smile hurt Ichigo— because it was _her _smile.

"…you can go."

Ichigo's eyes slightly widened.

"I'll be fine."

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_Rukia started to cry, shaking, and falling to her knees. Sobs racked her small body. Renji feared that she'll break into pieces. "No… No… no—"_

"_ORIHIME!"_

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_And Renji never heard him cry out like that before. And he knew, the sound will haunt him forever._

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**.**

Silence wrapped around two Kurosaki. Only the gentle swish-swish of the small, delicate flowers was heard.

And when his son smiled another _Orihime _smile, strangely, it didn't hurt anymore.

_Hime._

He can hear her laughed _somewhere_.

Ichigo grinned crookedly and ruffled Hayate's hair. The boy pouted but grinned back.

_I missed you, Hime._

He watched as Hayate bent down at the tombstone's level.

"I love you, Kaa-chan— buuuut more than Otou-san, so don't worry, okay!"

His grin widened. _…but, please, wait a little bit more for me over there. After all, I have to make sure our boy doesn't grow up like Kiego._

"But hey, _Ichigo_." His brows twitched at his son's playful impertinence. "I'll love you more if _you _let me play with Kiego-san!"

A vein pounded over his temple. "Brat."

"Ichigo!"

More veins throbbed that he feared they'll burst. "I am _your _father, Hayate."

"I know, Kurosaki Ichigo." Hayate shook his head, scrunching his nose. "Ah, thank god you didn't name me after a _girl._" Ichigo twitched at his son's mockery. "But my hair is _orange_."

"Shut up, Hayate." He scowled. "And how many times do I have to tell you that my name is _not _girly. It means 'to protect', you brat!"

"Yeah, yeah…"

Vein still throbbing, Ichigo gestured to his son. "Let's go."

The boy leaned closer to the tombstone. "Kaa-chan, I love you, I love you, I love you."

It was heartbreakingly familiar.

"Hayate."

The boy shot him a glare. "What? I just love Kaa-chan too much."

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_I love you, I love you, I love you… too much._

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**.**

He snorted, "suck up."

Hayate stuck out his tongue at him. "Bye, Kaa-chan! See ya! Tatsuki-san promised to give me loads of red bean paste sandwich and wasabi-flavored cotton candy! Isn't it great, Kaa-chan?!"

Ichigo sweat-dropped. He got her intelligence, alright, but she also gave their son her weird taste buds. The boy ran back to their car.

"Hime." He sighed. "He's weird, just like you."

_Kurosaki-kun!_

"But he is truly my son."

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"_What? I just love Kaa-chan too much."_

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With a small grin, he looked over the treetops below the cliff.

"We both love the same woman too much."

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you are brighter than sunshine.

you are brighter than sunshine.

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**.end**


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